Often times we queen-size royals struggle with loving ourselves by ourselves. We depend on the love of others to compensate for the lack of self-love. The danger of this is that while this person may be depleting us of our love, they are not loving us at all. In result, we are left to feel loveless and lost. The very notable key that we tend to forget is that self love begins with self. We must love ourselves before we can love anyone else. You cannot pour from an empty pitcher! What is empty we are anxious to fill. Not filling your mind and heart with positivity, love, and respect will leave them both susceptible for the opposite to come rushing in.
As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. When you cant stand your body image or you lack self esteem, you look for others to give you something that can only be found in ourselves. You hurt the people around you by pressuring them to fill the void inside. You hurt them by becoming angry and frustrated with them for not speaking praises to you that overpowers your inner voice telling you that you can’t do it, you aren’t beautiful, or you simply are not enough. In turn, they hurt you by being a crutch or using your vulnerability to their advantage. Being alone to listen to your own thoughts and face yourself in the mirror is something that people who are unhappy try to avoid doing. Finding solace inbetween the sheets, on a plate, or at the bottom of a bottle can be dangerous and while it is soothing for some time, we cannot escape ourselves no matter how hard we try. When we truly begin to love and appreciate ourselves, we can finally give the world what only we can give: ourselves! Is is only then that we can truly attract friends, business partners, love interests, etc., worthy of our love.
For years I was in a toxic relationship. I settled for being cheated on, abused, being homeless, and compared myself to other women constantly to devise a plan to be loved for a lifetime. When I could not achieve this, I questioned my self worth and my beauty. I wondered if I was worth loving and told myself that I couldn’t do better because no one wanted a big boned black girl. I degraded, deceived and disappointed myself daily. When you rely on others to build you up, you give them the power to tear you down. The beauty of self-love is that only you can build or break it. I learned this. And as I learned to slowly love pieces of me, these pieces gelled together and before I knew it I was well on my way becoming the woman that I wanted to be. Self-love shields you from the ridicule of the world. Self-love suffocates lies that try to breath life to doubt into our subconscious. Self-love lets our light shine.